i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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