Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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