some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
