i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
