i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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