True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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