i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
