My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
