If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
