U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
