On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
