I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
