The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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