WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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