I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
