i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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