I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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