its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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