I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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