i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
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We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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