the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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