Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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