i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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