The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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