Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
