It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
