Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My vagina is officially offended.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
