I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
