My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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