Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
