I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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She told me I should be a condom model.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
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Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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