The police scanner is talking about you again....
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
