I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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