Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
