So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Still dying that you shit outside
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.