i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
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He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?