I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's the barista slut.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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