Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
