So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
