I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
