BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
