thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
