:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize