I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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