Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
