I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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