I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
