I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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