Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
