actually, I'm a sock model
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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