Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
