I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
