I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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