addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
