I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
