I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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