Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
