if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES