hell yes lets make some ravioli
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
