Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
