Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.