Texts From Last Night

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  (607): View more from New York

  I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.

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  (607): I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better. http://tfl.nu/5tpe
  Replies (18) Good night (4511) Bad night (788)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point

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  (507): I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point http://tfl.nu/celc
  Replies (40) Good night (2048) Bad night (7304)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.

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  (765): There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break. http://tfl.nu/iu19
  Replies (13) Good night (1364) Bad night (4141)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

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  (352): I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way. http://tfl.nu/qonl
  Replies (34) Good night (6278) Bad night (2432)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.

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  (312): You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer. http://tfl.nu/l87h
  Replies (10) Good night (8482) Bad night (1073)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.

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  (512): We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots. http://tfl.nu/ta1s
  Replies (10) Good night (1346) Bad night (1797)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?

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  (610): Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen? http://tfl.nu/hze5
  Replies (5) Good night (2638) Bad night (920)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar

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  (845): I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar http://tfl.nu/fuzg
  Replies (22) Good night (1020) Bad night (1619)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?

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  (812): Is it too early to say this year has been a blur? http://tfl.nu/q8ht
  Replies (2) Good night (1185) Bad night (1205)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.

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  (312): Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on. http://tfl.nu/knov
  Replies (3) Good night (1372) Bad night (654)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  I have grass duct taped all over my body

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  (819): I have grass duct taped all over my body http://tfl.nu/3nqm
  Replies (2) Good night (1024) Bad night (664)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.

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  (715): On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good. http://tfl.nu/74vq
  Replies (11) Good night (1415) Bad night (539)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy

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  (413): She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy http://tfl.nu/8tz5
  Replies (1) Good night (816) Bad night (813)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates

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  (603): You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates http://tfl.nu/ztgg
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (325)
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  (315): View more from New York

  is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?

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  (315): is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it? http://tfl.nu/ubf5
  Replies (5) Good night (377) Bad night (518)

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