When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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