I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
