it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
