my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
