he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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