you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
