if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
