just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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