this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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