Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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