I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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